We’ve all seen it happen: a friend will get a little too drunk and will suddenly be blinded by their beer goggles. Unfortunately, there is no way to see through the beer goggles once they’re already on for the night. The only way for your friend to be saved from going home with a 2/10 is for you to save them. Because let’s be honest, they’re basically hopeless.
Face it, if you donít save them from going home with someone way below their sober standards theyíre likely to blame you for not saving them from their drunken mistake.
Here are a couple tips to help your stubborn, horny, drunk friend to see through their beer goggles:
1. Outright Tell Them How Ugly That Person Is
There might be a slim chance your friend will actually be drunk enough to trust you instead of their genitals. Pull them aside and call attention to the giant mistake theyíre about to make. If they havenít crossed the line into drunk, horny oblivion they might just listen to you.
2. Distract with Alcohol
There is nothing a drunk person loves more than more alcohol. So, when your friend is about to make the mistake of sleeping with an actual bridge troll, take the financial bullet and buy a round of shots. You’ll delay their departure and you’ll get them drunker. Better you dragging their half-asleep ass out of the bar than them hooking up with a disgusting excuse for a human. Plus, you can Venmo request them money for the shots when theyíre sober.
3. Be a Hardcore Third Wheel
If you can’t convince your friend to abandon their disastrous sexcapades, then maybe you can drive the bridge troll away. Take it upon yourself to be the worst third wheel in the history of third wheels. Hang on both your friend and their potential mate, act belligerent and needy to destroy any pheromone induced feelings of romance. Your friend will be pissed in the moment, but theyíll be thankful in the morning when you show them that creatureís Facebook page in the morning.
4. Send in a Hotter Option
For this strategy, you need to recruit help. Solicit a hot friend or acquaintance to go hit on your drunken idiot of a friend. If the beer goggles can convince them a 2 is a 10, imagine what a 9 will look like to them. Hopefully, your friend will see the other hotter option and drop the garbage person immediately. Plus, this might discourage the aforementioned bridge troll from trying anything later in the evening. Best case scenario, they leave and your hot friend can drop the act.
5. Let Them Make the Mistake
I know this feels like the wrong thing to do. After all, youíre a good friend. You donít want to watch your best friend walk home with some unwashed hoe/fuq boi that is undeserving of their time and body. But sometimes you have to let your friends fly too close to the sun so they understand what it feels like to plummet down to earth with a hangover and a pregnancy scare. You might feel like you’re being a bad friend, but in the long run youíre just teaching them a lesson.
Check out the video below for more on beer goggles!